|Culling the Herd
||[Sep. 6th, 2005|09:23 am]
President George W. Bush
It's been a busy couple of weeks. Aside from the important issue of making sure gas prices get raised all over this fabulous nation, we've also been hit by a hurricane which has caused a region-wide ecological disaster that will take years to recover from. I was mad about that to begin with, since there were hundreds of thousands of homes without power. If they aren't using power, that looks bad on my credibility about an energy crisis. Dick Cheney recommended having everyone without electricity shot, and Gonzalez said it would be better to glue jars of starving rats to their faces and blowtorch the outside. They got in a big fight, then went off to be alone together. I suppose they didn't want to be seen fighting in public. What gentlemen!
Both libruls and conservatives have pointed out that Katrina was almost certainly brought on by global warming. Global warming is brought about by greenhouse gases, which the United States produces more of than any other nation. I argued that since global warming is American-made, it can't be all bad. In fact, I'm working on making it mandatory for every country in the world to pay the United States a fee for saving them energy during the winter. Ingrates.
Naturally, I had them shot.
The city of New Orleans, as you have no doubt heard despite my best attempts to make it a black op, has been mostly destroyed. Lots of people are drowning and dying in the streets. The so-called survivors (which, I assure you, are temporary) are going on and on about not having food and water. Well, there's meat laying everywhere, and the bodies are seventy percent water. John Kerry and I learned this in Veitnam when we'd sneak out into the night and eat Veitnamese teenage girls. If these people don't care enough for their own survival to improvise, fine. I'm sending Halliburton in to clean up after our engineered floodgate collapse anyway. As everybody knows, New Orleans is full of blacks, which are all terrorists who steal color TVs, and not really people. They take welfare and don't pay taxes, so they are a burden on
my wallet our great nation's economy. Once Cheney's men have slaughtered every man, woman, and child left there, maybe we can convert it from a mook breeding ground to something useful.
Do you think New Orleans would look better as a parking lot, a golf course, or a big stone face of me that could be seen from orbit?